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Thread Little help for my lyrics

  • 23 replies
  • 4 participants
  • 4,330 views
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1 Little help for my lyrics
Hello,

my english is not so good (I'm french), if someone could tell me if this text is ok, it would be nice ;)

(this text is intentionally naive, so do not be too mocking...)


This is the story

The story of the mysterious butterfly’s flight

My story

Quest of colors, flowers and great light



I’ve been flying

All around the shiny fields



I can go

Everywhere I want

I can do

Everything I ever wanted



Fly from flowers to flowers

And feel the power of the wind



Upon my wings





Sometimes I dream about my past life

The long boring (fastidieuses) walks (marches forcées)

The endless sleep in this cocoon

With no one else to touch

But me

And the fear, everything scared me so mutch



***



But now I’m free

And I feel so strong

Delicate and majestic

I’ll hit the sun with my powdered wings all day long



I’ll may live only one day,

But what a day !



Between the earth and the sky

Look out !

The giant bird could get me

So I must keep flying



I’m like the happiness :

I never look back,

Never look back…



The bird saw me

He came from a tree

He’s gonna catch me

I must increase my speed

His beak is going to crush my wings

But beware of the storm I could create

You will understand the meaning of the Butterfly effect…
Show first post
21
Sounds good, perhaps heavier effects (chorus or something like that) on the voice on some passages would have made it better? The voice in itself is great, but I believe that on some parts a sort of almost ghostly, doubled/chorused/warmed/whatever'd ( :mrg: ) effect (like that you can hear on Jeff Buckley's voice on Nightmare by the Sea as far as I remember) would have brought something to the atmosphere of the song, in my opinion.
22
Thanks TheStratGuy for your comment,

the fact is that I worked the effects on the voice lately in the global mix process, I thought it was enough... I was afraid of making it too much :oops:

can you tell me what passages you're talking about ?
23

Quote: I’ve been flying
All around the shiny fields.


Quote: Fly from flower to flower
And feel the power of the wind


On these two passages I think you could put more emphasis on the effect that you've used (whatever it was it sounds good, just maybe not set deep enough).

On this passage:

Quote: But now I’m free,
And I feel so strong,
Delicate and majestic,
I hit the sun with my powdered wings all day long !


Increase the sort of chorus effect on each sentence, so as to give the impression that you sort of add one more voice to a choir at every sentence (not sure if I'm clear enough about what I mean, so go and listen to Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody and I think that'll convey what I have in mind more than I ever could at such a late hour).

Don't have time to check the rest of the song right now, I'll edit later if I thing of something else.
24
Effects can be tough - sometimes it's better to err on the side of caution than to take them too far. it sounds like you're getting to where you want it though.